Category Archives: Brian and Chris

Losing a loved one..


It’s probably one of the most horrible things to deal with in a lifetime. To lose that loved one to suicide is the worst. My son lost his closest friend in that fashion Sunday evening. He hung himself and left no note. My son Brian has never had to deal with this type of death and its breaking my heart to watch him suffer through it. Chris left a young wife and four very small children. Chris was also bi-polar. I was always proud of my son and how he dealt with Chris’s mental illness. He was patient, helpful and never lost his affection for Chris, even when Chris would go into a deep depression that lasted for a month or more.

My son is taking this so very hard, he spent most of yesterday here at my house where he finally broke down and cried..huge sobbing cries that tore me apart. What do you say to someone that is suffering so horribly? It was hard to find words that didn’t sound cliche. My son isn’t one that makes friends easily, he doesn’t suffer fools well..takes after his mom in that respect. So this loss leaves him without a close friend to hunt and fish with..to talk shit with late into the night. Brian was considered part of their family, he loves their children and his patience with them is amazing to me considering how little patience he has with children in general.

My son is usually a very self-absorbed 27 year old, but obviously his love and affection for Chris and his family transcended the usual ‘me’ bullshit.

We hugged and we cried together, Brian and I. He cried for the loss of his friend, I cried for the pain my son was enduring. I tried to tell him about how Chris is in a better place now..his demons that plagued him his entire adult life are finally gone. then Brian brought up how Medicare had cut off his medications last month. I didn’t know that had happened. It seems to have been a yearly thing with those fuckers, changing his meds or just cutting him off all together and making him go through the process of reapplying each time. Chris was a severe bi-polar, he wasn’t faking it, he wasn’t trying to get something for nothing..he was a very sick 32 year old man who tried to cope with his illness as best he could within the limitations of our federal governments rules and regulations.

His wife is a wonderful woman who never wavered in her love for Chris. She was like a lioness, fighting for his rights to get assistance with the incredibly high costs of all those prescriptions that kept him functioning as a ‘normal’ adult. She lost her first husband in a occupational accident when she was in her mid-20s, and now this. I know the Medicare system didn’t put the noose around Chris’ neck..but they sure as hell didn’t go out of their way to help him maintain his tenuous grip on sanity either. Bi-polar’s medications need to be carefully regulated so they receive the correct amount for their weight and metabolsim that will provide the most relief from the horrible symptoms of the illness. Too much or not enough can spell disaster for them.

And so another disaster happened..and it affects me and MY loved one. So, thank you Medicare, for showing me how fucked up you are and how it can be a life and death matter when bureaucracy supercedes compassion for our fellow men and women who’s only goal is to live as normal a life as humanly possible.

Artwork: Angel of Death by Elihu Vedder

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